Over the last couple of weeks, I was wondering if anything I do really matters to anyone at the end of the day. Besides my daughter, does it all really matter?? I mean, what am I really doing on this planet besides being the best father I can be??

At the end of the day, does what I really do matter?? I mean, I fix coffee machines!! Not exactly a world-changing occupation.

Let me tell you a story. The other day at work, one of the other partners (that's what we're called in Starbucks terminology) was having a shitty day. I was not in the best place either (both physically and mentally), but I was trying to make the best of the situation.
When I'm feeling stressed or depessed at work, I usually try to just act a little silly and crazy. At least I try to keep my chin up and a smile on my face. Well, me and the other partner kept joking back and forth and we got to the point where we were almost in tears from laughing so damn hard.

When I was leaving at the end of the day, my coworker was handing me my drink and told me that even though he was having a crappy day when he came in, that he felt better because I made him laugh. On my drive home, I thought about it, and realized that I, indeed, had made a difference in someone's life. Maybe not an Earth shattering difference, but a difference nonetheless.

In addition, last night, I read this from the list of acknowledgements of Tom's new website: "Paul, friend of so many years, for being there when it really counted. I'll never forget how you've helped me get to where I am now." Wow. Nice words from a longtime friend.

So, I guess I really do matter to someone out there.

Yup, I was at the laundromat again tonight. I heard "Margaritaville" on the radio as expected. That happens every time I set foot in there, regardless of the day, or time..

Though today, I was in a really good mood, and I wasn't in the usual funk that had been accompaning my recent trips to get my wash done. Things are being put into their place in the past. That's a good thing :)

I love equinoxes and solstices, the dreams they send. Others may have dreams of power on these nights as well. Catalouging dreams and meditating on them until the "real" world counterparts are discovered is potent organic technology that everyone can benefit from. Everyone have fun tonite. Everyone wang chung tonite.
(borrowed from someone on tribe)

Don't Dream it's Over

Once I had a dream. I dreamed that I would find my true love. The person who was "the one." You know the feeling, you finish each other's sentances, they think like you do. They actually "get you."

Now, I know life is never perfect. I'm a realistic peson, there are going to be times when you and your "soulmate" aren't exactly seeing eye to eye. But if they are indeed they are "the one," they will understand those moments and as a couple you get through them.

I'm tired of chasing that dream. Everytime I think that I have found what I thought I was looking for I get hurt. Another piece of my heart broken and scarred. I know sometimes that I want to have that something so bad, that I will look past everything that's telling me to run away and throw myself into a relationship with wild abandon. Some people call that following your heart. Others call it just plain foolish.

I starting to think that it's the later. The last time that I tried this, I entered into a relationship that was filled with lies and deception from the first day--and I knew it. But I chose to ignore it and dive in head first into a pool with no water in it. You know what happened, I crashed into the bottom of the pool and had to pick up the pieces again..

It is said that love finds you when you're not looking for it. Well, I'm not looking for it anymore. I'm not willing to let myself get hurt again. I'm just focussing on being the best person that I can be. I've got my life together and things are ok.