There's something about a child's joy when they're opening up presents on christmas morning. Delilah was absolutely floating around the room when she opened her gifts. This year was the first year since I've been separated from Jill that Delilah spent the night on christmas eve. So, she got to open some presents here, and then we went to her mom's for breakfast and I watched her open gifts there.

It was a virtual Barbie explosion! Barbie EVERYTHING! But Delilah really enjoyed herself, and I got such a kick out of seeing her being so happy.

So, I guess Danielle and I hit it off once again. We talked a LOT Friday night, and after talking about "how good we were together," we decided to give it another try. Things are so different in both of our lives now than they were 2 years ago. I can't believe that it was almost 2 years ago that Danielle and I parted ways, and stayed friends all this time.

I've changed. I've grown. 2 and a half years ago, I really wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Now, I am. And Danielle and I I don't think ever fought when we were together. We had one of the most mature relationships that I have ever had. So, we embark on the journey once again.

Saturday Roger threw a birthday party for his son at Chuck-E-Cheese in Waterbury. It was originally scheduled for Dec 13, but that was the weekend of the heavy snow, and it was cancelled. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have Delilah this weekend, but I arranged to pick her up and bring her to the party.

Now, the thing that I dislike about parties at Chuck-E-Cheese is the noise level of so many kids all running around in such a small place. This was definately going to be a 3 Advil event :) But for some reason, I didn't mind it this time.

Most of the Naugatuck gang were there, including Daniel. Dan performed a special magic show for the kids. Even though Dan's barely out of his teens, he puts on one hell of a show. This kid's gonna be great in a few years. Be on the lookout for him!!!

Danielle and I brought Delilah, and the "girls" kinda hung together most of the time. Which was okay, because Brian and I got to play video games for a good portion of the party. You should have seen us- a couple of mid-30's guys playing a competitive driving game for like hours! Roger's grandma thought it was pretty funny that Brian and I were 2 of the biggest kids there!!!!

I think next time we go to Chuck-E-Cheese, we make it an adults only affair!!!!

It's strange- after months of not really talking, Danielle and I are talking again. I called her the other night, and we talked for almost 2 hours. About what was going on in our lives, and how we get along so good, that it's almost like we should be together. So I asked her out to dinner tonight. We seemed to have so much to catch up with each other, that we'll probably end up talking all night....

Hey, does anyone actually read this thing? If so Email Me!

Everything that happened with Mom this week, and the last 3 years, really got me thinking... What's it all for?? In the end, what are we left with? It all comes down to this-- who's gonna take care of you? Do you have enough money for the care you need?? Oh, and "Do you have insurance?" We go through our whole lives and that's what it all comes down to??

I guess I can go through life worrying about the answers to these questions. I've thought alot about it. Pondering it over for a while on the way to work Thursday morning, it came to me. Live for "the now." We can all live for now, and make the best of the time we have. Remember the past, live for now, plan for the future. It's all we really can do.

It's easy to say these things here. I guess actually living by those words is what we're all trying to do. Too bad it's taken me so long in my life to realize some of these things.

Well, it's been a long week. I'm now fighting a cold, and to top is off, I have Delilah this weekend....so I will get some rest, but I gotta still play daddy. I'm about to dose up on Nyquil (funny, it tastes like Jaegermeister!) and hit the hay. Delilah was up late tonight watching some of the holiday cartoons.....

Wednesday morning, I get a call from Jill at work (she works in the ER at Hartford Hospital) saying "Do you know your Mom's here." No, I didn't. I was told that she was brought in by ambulance the night before because she had fallen. My father hadn't informed me or either of my sisters of this. So, I took off from work to be with dad and mom.

Mom suffered a compression fracture in her lower back, and is now getting rehab at a place in Bloomfield....Dad was pretty upset and worried Wednesday, so I'm glad that I was there to help him out with all of this.

Well, some great news today! I'm an uncle again! My twin sis Diane gave birth to a baby boy today. So now, my dream of having a nephew is realized....7lbs 6oz, I forget the length...

It also an amazing full moon tonight. As I was driving home from picking up Delilah at school, the sky was crystal clear, and the moon was a huge orb right over the eastern horizon. I wish I had my camera with me, because the view of it hanging over West Peak with the castle in Meriden all light for the holidays was just perfect.

Well, time to go watch American Choppers...it's a new episode (hurray!) tonight!!!

I didn't really have that exciting a day. I did manage to wake up in time for Sunday Morning today, but I didn't really watch it. The first piece they did was on how everyone's gotta have all the best shit. BMW's Tiffany, all that yuppie bullshit materialistic shit. What the fuck does it all matter people???

That kinda disturbed me, cause it seemed again like media was just aiding in the commercialism of the holidays. This year in particular, I'm SO not into it. I'm kind of in a weird dilemma regarding it, and that's another time....

I went out and started to dig out the driveway. Technically, that's not my responsibility, but my half-ass landlord does a shitty job. He DID however, take 35 bucks off my rent.... Took a drive to Dunkin' to get some chocolate, and swung by Bernie's for a bit.

That's about it, I watched a couple of DVD's tonight and got online to feed my blog reading addiction....

It's still snowing. I ventured out in it twice today, but I never left the Middletown city limits. The first time, I just kinda took a spin around and got used to driving in this shit again, grabbed a quick bite at Mamoun's and headed back to the apartment.

Mike called later and asked me if I wanted to go to the diner and grab something a bit after that, so I went with him and Hondo (his friend). I had a light bite (grilled cheese) cause I already had something at Mamoun's.... Hondo dosent really drink or anything, so after we dropped him off at Liberty and Pearl, Mike had the great idea of hitting up Eli Cannon's for a drink. Which ended up being a couple of beers and a couple of shots!! Not to mention the cheese fries. Yummy!

There were two events today that were either cancelled or I just didn't want to drive to them. The first was a birthday party for Cullen, Roger's son. I was to have picked up Delilah and taken her to Waterbury for it. Roger called about 9:30 this morning and said he'd postponed it. Which was fine by me, since I didn't want to drive in this shit.

The second was the monthly Blessed Beat drum circle at Brian's house. I guess some of the crazier ones made the trip, but even with 4x4, I wasn't going to drive all the way there. Which really sucks, cause I hadn't been to a circle since September, and I was really looking forward to jamming with those guys again.

Oh well, ya just gotta love winter, eh?

What the fuck am I doing awake? Time to hit the hay.....

I normally don't do this but:


You are Fezzik, the warm hearted giant from
Greenland. You have a gift for rhime and the
strength of five men. People call you stupid,
and you often believe it yourself, but when
things go wrong you always work out the best
thing to do.


Which character from The Princess Bride are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

It's Friday. It's the first major snowstorm of the season. The media, who usually send everyone into a freaking panic whenever there's a hint of a snowflake in the air, have correctly predicted the arrival of said snowstorm. I still think they like to throw around exaggerated snowfall ammounts and the use of the word "Nor'easter". Brad Field, "how about 6-12' inland, or even maybe a foot and a half". He's like a kid in a candy store, all excited about it. I'm starting to like Geoff's casts even better...

I was supposed to be going to Hamden to be meeting some of the people from The Daily Column tonight, but we all agreed that it would be insane to have all of us (what few insane people would have still gone out in this) be driving through the snow to get drunk and all... They've gotten together a couple of times before, and it was on an evening where I couldn't make it, and the one freaking time when I could make it, we get pounded with snow and horrible driving conditions.

So, I kinda killed some time here at tho house, but nothing seemed to hold my interest this evening. I got bored with the computer, nothing really good was on the tube. So, I sat up in the bedroom window and turned off the lights and watched the traffic try to make the hill across the street. "This is what you do on a Friday" you might ask.... well, it beats trying to play bumper cars out there. I was actually in a good mood though......

What is the purpose we all have in life? Is there some kind of higher state of being that we should be trying to achieve? I feel so lost right now. I thought I was on the road to somewhere....something. But now, I've lost it!

I just feel like I'm living to go to work, and working so that I can have a place to live. What the hell is that?? I have Delilah, and I'm a great father to her. That's something that gives me a great purpose. It's my drive....what keeps me going......

The holidays always seem to make me feel blue....everyone seems so happy and joyous... It would be nice to find the right person to share some special times with. I guess that will come in time. I'm hoping that it will happen when I least expect it.

It just seems that here we are, wrapping up another year, and what have I really accomplished?? Have the last 365 days really changed anything? I thought my life was going in a new direction in the first part of the year. I had a great sense of what I was doing was going in a positive direction.

Now, all I feel inside is just a great sense of doubt. About my self, about my surroundings, about the people I've surrounded myself with...have I really made a change in my life for the positive??? I'm not so sure right now.

Why the hell are you reading this? Get out of my head! The real question, is why am I putting this out here for you to read????

I keep trying to start a new blog entry, and everytime I do I just draw a blank. I guess I just really don't have anything to say...

Just another quiet Saturday here at Camp Pameacha. Delilah and I are heading over to Michelle's for dinner later with the rest of the gang. We're celebrating our own Thanksgiving today.....

I recently purchased the movie "High Fidelity" with John Cusack. It prompted me to do a "Top 5" list... so, here goes:

Top 5 12 Inch Dance Singles
(from my collection, in no real particular order)
5. Yello- Tied Up (In Africa)
4. Kraftwerk- Tour De France
3. Don Pablo's Animals- Venus (Piano Mix)
2. New Order- Fine Time/Don't Do It (for the "B" side)
1. Impedance- Tainted Love

Honorable Mention
Soft Cell- Tainted Love (for the "Tainted Dub" version)
Newcleus- Jam on It (cone on, ya gotta love it!)
Chic- Good Times (hey, you can actually do part of "Rapper's Delight" over it!)

Since today was a day off from work, Delilah stayed with me (from Wednesday till Sunday). My friend Brenda and I got the kids (she has a 5 year old daughter as well) together and we went to Kidcity in Middletown. Kidcity is this really cool hands-on museum when the kids just get to play with everything. The place has been pretty much the same since I started taking Delilah there, but they're expanding (the new addition will be done in February). The new expansion should be pretty cool. I can't wait till I can take Delilah there!

Turkey Day

Everyone always asks me what there is to be thankful for at Thanksgiving. Well, I have my daughter (who seems to be my reason for being these days), my health, and I'm not living on the street. And I have the strength to make it through another holiday with my family. Our holiday gatherings usually tend to be tough on me, with everyone always talking at the same time, and me never managing to get a word in edgewise.

This year, it didn't seem so bad though. I got by without having to take a ton of advil to kill the headache I usually get!. Oh well, there's always Christmas Dinner....

Allright, so I lied....I haven't really been in a posting mood lately!!!! But I'm sure I'll be back soon!!!

I know that I havn't been posting too much here lately. I've been keeping busy, and I find that often times I don't much feel like turning the damn computer on, much less thinking about what the world will see here. Yes, I THINK about what I put here. Hard to believe sometimes.

I went for two whole days this week without even looking at my email! But I should have some time this weekend to write about some things. So you might here from me then....

Wow! I found a link today to the Wayback Machine! It's a web pages that lets you search and find OLD webpages. I found one of mine from back in 1998, as well as one of Harry's and the WWUH webpage. Click on the link and see where, or rather when, it takes you!

Delilah read her first book aloud to me this morning on the way to work. It was "Draw me a Star" by Eric Carle. Not only was it really awesome that my daughter is actually reading to me for a change, but the book she read was one of my favorites to read to her when she was an infant. Today, I'm glowing with pride for my little angel!

Way to go Delialh!

I made my semi-annual "stock up the house" trip to Wal-Mart today. I used to hate Wal-Mart, but when you're on a limited budget, you can't beat the prices. Nothing unusual about what I picked up, though I do miss my Wal-Mart friend. Oh well, I haven't heard from her in a couple of months, I kinda think that our friendship went to the wayside.

Anyway, back to the topic. While shopping today, I heard the first holiday tune of the season on the speakers in the store. I also was subjected to the World's Slowest Cashier who was working on register 17. Yes, you know who you are! After waiting (third in line) for what seemed like an eternity to ring up the current customer, all the sudden turns on the light to make the head cashier come over. So, at that point, I just gave up and went to another register. The people in front of me also went to another line, and were still waiting as I left the store. Now that sucks!

Yikes! I guess the holiday season has begun! I saw one of those Christmas Greatest Hits commercials on TV today. You know the ads for those compilation CD's. I think it was "Now that's what I call Christmas" Or something like that. If I weren't for Delilah, I'd hate this time of year

Well, I guess our luck with the awesome weather has run out! Delilah had no school today because of Election Day, so we were home. She needed another day to get over the nasty cold that she caught over the weekend. It also have me a chance to update the links list on the left side of the page. I did some rearranging and added some new stuff. Check 'em out!!!

I was listening to the police scanner in the house today, and it appears that they found a body early this afternoon a couple of blocks from the house. I dunno if any of the media picked up on it yet, but that's just kinda creepy. Especially since it's walking distance from the house....

I'm seriously re-evaluating how much information I'm going to publish about my life on this thing. I mean, it's really wreaked havoc on some aspects of my life!! I did a Google search on "Paul Bourque" the other day, and this was up in the top fucking 10.

So tonight, I copied some of the stuff that I wrote to my "private journal" and then editited or deleted some of what you see here. Most of that was dealing with a certian someone who we won't name here. Therapeutic to hit the "delete" button on those posts? You betcha!!

What the hell is going on with the weather lately? A couple of weeks ago, we were gathered around a fire freezing our asses off, and today it felt like I could have gone swimming! That would have broken my record of swimming on Oct 1 last year at East Beach in Rhode Island. Tonight was just another perfect evening, I could have sworn it was late August!

Last night we held a ritual in Naugatuck, and it was just perfect to be outside around the fire. Roger built a fence facing the street, so we didnt have a repeat of the cops showing up like at the Rites rehersal. But the weather reminded me of some of those evening rehersals. Only in the weather though! I felt much more grounded and at ease than back then. And we had a nice ritual to boot.

SNET was here to install the phone line for Ben and Emily upstairs. While they were at it, they ran a new drop for my line as well. So now the annoying static that was in every phone call I made or received is now history. And I should be getting better connects via the modem now as well. The phone guy showed me the old drop wire and it was all corroded and frayed where it was rubbing against the tree. I just wonder why the guy who was here in August didn't replace it then.

Delilah and I went to a Halloween party at Craig and Virginia's Saturday night. The had invited a bunch of parents and kids over for the festivities. The "big kids" (read:adults) ended up taking over the living room, where we hung out and listened to a live Peter Gabriel that Craig's brother Paul brought. This ended up in an impromptu drum jam (of course, you get a bunch of percussion puppies together and that's bound to happen).

Later, we ended up in the "multimedia room" (read: basement) and Craig put on the DVD of Baraka. Virginia and Paul had never seen it before, and were totally amazed. It's an awesome piece of filmaking and if you havent seen it, I highly suggest that you get your hands on a copy.


The little kids (Delilah, Sarah, Emmy and Madison) all were up in the play room (in the 3rd floor) and were rarely heard from all night. The kids were in their costumes (and some of the adults) and since the weather was warm, Delilah got to wear her fairy costume without her street clothes underneath. She looked so adorable- as did all the kids.

Delilah decided to sleep over, but insisted that I stay till it was time to put her to bed. So I never got out of there till kind of late. I was thinking of possibly going to Brian's house for the Blessed Beat drum circle, but I would have arrived way too late. So I went home instead.

Frights, Fires, Flares!
I dunno why I've been so beat lately, but it seems that every night when I want to take a chance to log in and write here, I tend to be dozing off. So I have a few days worth of stuff to say....

Frights:
Last night, I took Delilah Trick-Or-Treating for the first time in a few years. We went out with Roger, Michelle and Cullen and the Curtiss clan. The kids had a great time, but it seemed that the adults got pretty worn out. I crashed right after I put Del to bed. Roger and Danine took a ton of pictures, and I will post a few from Roger when I get them. Danine dosent have a digital camera, so when they get developed, I'll try to get a scan done of them.

Fires:
In other news, Chuck Dube' sent me a link to a radio station transmitter site that was totally destroyed by the wildfires that are ravaging Southern California. It just amaszes me that the power of Mother Nature can be so firece and destructive. When will we learn that we cannot conquer her and we must learn to live in harmony with her.

Flares:
I went out Thursday night to try and see some of the Aurora (Northern Lights) that was supposed to be out. I went up to the baseball field in Portland that was by our old house, and I think I saw just a tinge of a red glow above the light pollution. Harry emailed me a report that he had seen the lightshow in Colebrook.

The last time that I saw the Northern Lights was with Harry back in 1999 at the Colebrook Dam. We had been hanging out there just shooting the breeze and I noticed what seemed like light pollution in the distance. No sooner than I had pointed it out to Harry, the sky was just dancing with colors. That lasted about 45 minutes and then it vanished just as soon as it had appeared.

I had experienced another sighting of the lights back in 1989 while driving on interstate 91 north of Northampton, MA. We got to the rest area in the Hadley area and it seemed the whole highway had stopped to look at the spectacle that Mother Nature unleashed that evening. I think that was the same solar flare that wreaker havoc on Canada's power grid that year.
The image of the northern lights is from Geofffox.com

Wow! Who would have thought that I could go an ENTIRE DAY without even powering up the PC at home? I didn't even really feel the motivation to turn it on last night. So of course, when I got home today I had like 60something new email messages. Of course 3/4 of them were from the Blessed Beat list, but new messages nonetheless.

And now....a look into the future:
Either my voice mail can see into the future, or there's some kinda bug with the time switch. When I retrieved my messages tonight, it told me that the message was left "tomorrow at 4:14". That must be a new service that SNET/SBC is offerring. I also noticed that the AM/PM designation of the time was incorrect yesterday. Looks like someone was asleep at THAT switch late Saturday night.......

Mike and I stopped over to visit Dennis Waring today. In addition to being the author of several books, he's an ethnomusicologist, musician, and the official Connecticut State Troubadour. Anyway, Dennis has traveled the world, collecting musical instruments from all over the place. Going over there is like visiting a museum, but more comfortable. I'd love for Dennis to come over and decorate my place!!!

Dennis is part of the musical group Sirius Coyote, a group I was first introduced to when they were recording at Mike's Studio (now known as The Coffeehouse) in 1991. My daughter really loves listening to their stuff, so when I mentioned that to Dennis, he gave her a copy of their latest CD! Cool!

It's 10:00 err 11:00...oh, right it's really 10:00!! Did you remember to turn your clock back?? I just had a really serious brainstorm this morning....instead of screwing with the clocks TWICE a year, why don't we just comprimise, and change then a half hour ONCE and then leave them there. Kinda split the difference between daylight time and standard time? What do you think National Bureau of Standards??

Tonight, I took a trip to Madison to an event at Pete the Didg guy's place. His venture, Didgequest threw an event called Didgi-Dance. I had beeen expecting a little dancing around the fire, accompanied by some drumming and sounds of the didg. What I hadn't expected was the ammount of energy that was raised!!!

Pete had built a great bonfire in the center of the circle, and people had begun to gather around it in the crisp fall evening. The night was perfect weatherwise. A bit cool, but the sky was cloudless and starry. At one point I was looking towards the South, looking up at Mars, and lone shooting star streaked across the sky! Amazing!

I had a chance to sit by the perimeter of the circle and meditate a bit and get into the serious energy that was there. Though I was a bit cold, I could swear that I actually was in a state of semi-trance and could not feel the coldness of the night. There was so much energy there that I felt a little vibration from all of it.

Before we danced and moved under the stars, Two Dogs from the Mohegan tribe provided a blessing to the group in the traditional Mohegan tongue. He then proceeded to work around the group, smudging each of us (I just love the smell of sage!).

Most of the evening was some great dancing around the now raging bonfire, with the accompaniment of Pete on didg, John, Craig, Baba David Coleman and the other Pete on drums and percussion and Two Dogs on flute. They were throwing down a serious groove and I really wanted to break out the Doumbek and join them (Craig told me later that I should have), but I stayed with the dancers.

After the dancing, Two Dogs started off a Mohegan song that we had all been invited to join in on, and it became like a mini drum jam. So I got my fill of playing in as well. As I write this, I'm still feeling the energy that was raised tonight.

Well, last night Mike and I got together at the studio to go over the multitrack recordings of the band from last week. We listened to most of what we recorded Monday night, and man was it HOT! I think we'll have a tough time selecting only 1 CD full of stuff to mixdown...Peter at the Gatekeeper and the other guys in the band are gonna love it!

In other stuff, things have been pretty normal for the most part....work is work and life is life....what can I say......

In the CD player recently:
Jack Johnson- On and On
Stevie Wonder- Original Musiquarium 1
Rolling Stones- Exile on Main St.
Peter Gabriel- Passion

I'm finally getting around to posting some pictures that were taken over the summer. Delilah and I went to the Beardsley Zoo in Bridgeport back in August. Here's a picture of us riding on the carousel.

Delilah went to a "playtivity" function thrown by Craig and Virginia tonight. They made percussion instruments out of ordinary household items (gee, you think??). The parents werent allowed to join the group till 8PM, so John and Darcy Boiano and me went to Wild Oats for them to do some shopping, and me to kill some time.

Well, I did do a little shopping, I picked up some Dr. Bronner's Soap (man, I still love that stuff...after all these years) and the ever so elusive bottle of Skin Trip (EMS Stopped carrying it, I think...)

When we got back to the house, Delilah and the girls were having a great time, and then the parents all joined and did some activities together. We did a little rythym oriented stuff and did what ammounted to a mini-drum circle at the end. So, all in all, it was a cool night for both Delilah and myself.

I was informed by my boss today that the decision by corporate has been made- 2 people from our shop will be getting the axe by the end of the year. Now, we only have 5 people in our shop, so the odds are a little disturbing to me. I think that I do a good job, and am dependable, but who knows what criteria that they will use to get rid of people. This comes on the tails of me finding that I got a raise last week- ironic, eh??

Tonight, I'm just kinda hanging out at home....relaxing for a change. Monday and Tuesday were very long days, as we did the CU Next Tuesday recording sessions. And I had to work early Tuesday morning after Monday night's performance. I was beat!

So, tonight was the first night that I was able to just hang and relax. And guess what? Having nothing to do tonight actually got me bummed out. Sometimes I just feel so sick of being alone, and then I get to thinking about the string of fucked up relationships that I had and actually dread of having to deal with that again.

So, what am I to do?? I kinda feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I mean I hate feeling lonley, but it seems everytime I feel I get close to someone that I feel comfortable with, things come to an abrubt halt. So here I am....

Let's reprise this:
In the CD Player today:
Three Doors Down
Tor Dietchricson- Global Village
Diana Krall- When I look into Your Eyes
The Beatles- 1
Rythym of Our Souls Mix (thanks Craig!)
Sunday Morning Coffee Mix (thanks Me!)

I actually flipped by MTV on the tube tonight and saw them playing videos! Not bad, considering they are supposed to be Music Television. Remember when they actually played videos all day long, and not the stupid, repetitive reality-type shows with all the cute young girlies showing cleavage?
Ok, ok, soapbox mode off. And I'm not complaining about the cleavage either!

Tonight's the night! The first of 2 nights of recording CU Next Tuesday at the Gatekeeper. Tonight I get to play yet another role with the band...I get to be the recording engineer! Just add it to my resume :)

Unfortunately, I have to work early tomorrow morning, and it's gonna be killer to record yet again tomorrow night. I have a feeling that when I pick up Delilah on Wednesday night, that I'll be probably going to bed at the same time as her, I'll be so drained!

Had a great time Saturday night! The Naugatuck crew threw a Hayride and Bonfire/Drum Circle at Schrieber's Farm! The weather was perfect for a October evening and it all happened under a nearly full moon. Roger and Brian built a huge bonfire, and after we got back from the hayride, we played around it for the rest of the evening.

The drumming energy wasn't quite as intense as it had been the last couple of times art Brian's house, but it was a great time, and I always enjoy playing along with Pat, Steve and Mike. Some of the usual drummers weren't all that active (I don't think I saw Roger play all night) but we were all having a great time.

I found an interesting weblog (thanks to The Daily Column) today. It's the weblog of Geoff Fox, who is the weatherman at Channel 8 in New Haven, CT. He's got some pretty cool stuff on there.

What gives? Dunkin' Donuts has the nerve to start selling espresso and cappuchino? Trust me, If I wanted a "finer" coffee drink, Dunkin is the last place that I'd go. And those of you who know me know that I love Dunkin Donuts coffee. I hope they don't do to my favorite coffee places that they did to my favorite bagel places when they started selling bagels....

So, go to your favorite locally-owned ocffee shop (I prefer Klekolo World Coffee in Middletown). They allready have enough competition from Starbucks (who I frequent sometimes as well!)

The Pictures are in!!! The pictures from the CU Next Tuesday gig on Labor Day are back. Above, you see just a peek at what I've got! Pictured in front of The Gatekeeper -left to right- Colin, John, Mike, Matt, and Bryan. They're doing a live recording next Monday, and hopefully some of the pictures will be in the artwork for the CD (there will be a CD, right guys??)

So, I guess I'm the "Jack of all Trades" to the band....Roadie, Sound Tech, Crowd Control, Photographer, Percussionist, and occasionally, a Singer!

Delilah and I spent the day with Craig, Virginia and the girls. They were having a tag sale at the house in West Hartford so we went up and hung there for a while. Delilah, Me and Emmy took a walk around West Hartford Center where they are having a display of all these funky cow sculptures. It's called the Cow Parade. My favorite one is the Jackson Pollock looking one. Also check out the Cow Parade Homepage to see where else it's going on.


When in the center, I also stopped in Ten Thousand Villages (yes, AGAIN) and bought another piece of percussion. Ok, Ok I know that I'm a percussion addict.....I also picked up Delilah a cool windchime for her room...and got one for Emmy's new room as well (like any good unofficial Uncle would do!).

Del and I were planning on heading down to Naugatuck tonight, but she started getting a bit tired and cranky, and we had a pretty busy day, so we headed home and called it a night. So here, I am....online.... :)

Miles Played the Blues

A quote from the PBS "The Blues" episode I watched tonight, said by someone comapring Miles Davis and Muddy Waters. Seems like a cool album title for someone......

I had a relatively good day today. Much better than yesterday. Delilah was over last night, so we had the morning ritual. She's been alot better about waking up for school now. What a little cutie :)

Mike and I hung out tonight, watching a little tube, old tapes, records, you name it. He actually had a daytime session today, so he called after he was done...it was good hanging out with him...."What Happened???"

I guess Fall is finally settling in....I had to turn on the heat tonight when I got home from work. It was darnright chilly!!!! The weather forcast said that it was "unseasonably cold" today. Damn, they're not kidding! I did notice though, that the Mums that I planted out front a while ago are starting to bud again. Right on!!! I don't really have that much to say tonight, so I'll sip my tea and chill out for a while.....

Wow, I just realized that it's almost October! Gotta pull out the U2 CD again! It seems like yesterday, I was getting away of the hell that was April. And it is true- Time heals all wounds.

Yesterday, Ben, Emily and I threw our "end of summer party" here at Camp Pameacha. We killed 2 kegs, and 110 bucks worth of grub (the chicken terriaki was a great success!) Weatherwise, we got really lucky, It had been threatening rain all day, but it help off till after we wrapped up at 3:00 THIS MORNING! Yikes!

The party was a great success, lots of great people, good food, music (we even had a DJ throw down a trance set...till the cops came!) and of course Drumming! I got to drum with some different people which was a great change. Em didn't really join in, but Myshele from the Naugatuck crew came down, and we got in some good jams.

You know, I invited a bunch of people to our party, but only FOUR of them showed up (thanks you guys!). Oh well, It was a great time, too bad everyone missed one hell of a rockin' party! Man, I guess we know how to throw parties. According to Mike, we probably were the envy of all the Middletown parties last night!

Today, it rained like hell, and I didn't really leave the house, except to do some cleanup (I got soaked) and move the Jeep so Emily could get out of the driveway. I watched parts of like 5 movies on cable, but nothing seemed to keep my interest. So, here I am....blogging on this Sunday night. It's almost time for The Simpsons, so I hope it's not pre-empted by some stupid sports game!

In the CD player recently:
The Beatles- Anthology 2
Jack Johnson- On and On
Phish- A Picture of Nectar
Grateful Dead- Dicks Picks Vol. 11
3 Doors Down- Away From the Sun

Tonight, CU Next Tuesday (yeah, I know it was a Thursday!!) played down at The Gatekeeper. I got a call from Mike earlier in the afternoon telling me that they'd be there. I got a bit of flack from JD about not having the film from Labor Day developed, but I'll get on that ASAP.

Anyway, the guys were "on fire" tonight. Mike started playing the riff from "Play that Funky Music", and it ended up morphing into an incredible instrumental jam. Bang! They were on...right out of the starting gate!

They played for a while and took a break (they realized that they outnumbered the patrons at this point). Matt and Bryan started into a improv jazzy piece to be joined by Colin and Mike. This jam developed into the riff from "LA Woman."

JD decided not to join the band for the second set, and Mike kept signaling me to take the mic. So, I did (I kinda had to fudge some of the lyrics, but I pulled it off) and stayed up there for the whole set- occasionally singing and playing percussion. I had a great night, especially the jam where Pink Floyd's "Breate" turned into "Down by the River" by Neil Young (now referred to as Neil Floyd or Pink Young!)

I got a couple of compliments from the guys, so I guess either they were being nice or were serious....

I found out this week that Radio 104 changed formats to a hip-hop format. So now, my modren rock legacy that I started way back in 1994 has ended. Clear Channel has ruined Hartford radio once more!

Oh, just because-
Clearchannelsucks.org

Well, I started my day off this morning right :) Craig and I went over to Knight People for the Tibetan Singing Bowl meditation. It was just awesome to start the day off by totally relaxing and getting into the right frame of mind. The combination of Emile's voice and the playing of the bowls is an incredible experience. I could start my day off every day like that!

Craig and I walked from the house to Knight people, and it was really amazing how much you miss when you're driving by in a car. I think that I live in a rather neat little section of Middletown. Got to see some of the neighbors on High Street. And I got a little exercise on this beautiful late Summer day.

After I got home, I just kinda hung out for a while and enjoyed the day. Mike invited me over for lunch, and we ended up walking to the South Green and Main Street for a little bit. I went into Record Express and found a used copy of Michael Brook's "Cobalt Blue" CD- Craig had turned me on to it a while ago on a cassette copy of his LP. I just finished listening to it. Great CD. It's even got a 2nd CD of some live stuff.

When I got home, I noticed Danielle called. I was kind of suprised that I heard from her. She's seeing a new guy, and usually when that happens, I never hear from her. We were talking online last week, and I wasnt in the best mood, and she called to see how I was. So that was a nice addition to my day.

In the CD player today:
Elton John- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Elton John- Madman Across the Water
Micheal Brook- Cobalt Blue
Neil Young- Harvest
Peter Gabriel- US

Had a pretty great weekend this weekend. I'm glad that I got over the funk that I was in last week- more on that later :) Even though I had to work this morning, I still managed to do quite a bit this weekend.

After I got out of work, I met up with Craig, John and Virginia at the Cheshire Fall Festival to do the drum circle. The public circles like at Cheshire and the Meriden Daffodil Fest are always way different than the ususal jams that I do. I ususally go to the ones like yesterday for the kids. The little ones love drums. And it helps to have a few seasoned drummers on hand as well.

The first jam we did went off really well, everyone locked in right away. Then the stupid PA announcer kept making announcements on top of us, and we were right next to the speakers. That kinda drove the crowd away, and made it impossible for John to do any real facilitation. At one point, he took the wireless mike and shut it off and put it down in disgust. Craig even went over to the guy and said "we cant do what we do if you keep taking over us." The idiot on the PA didn't listen.....

The next event scheduled at the festival was none other than the Dyn-O-Myte Disco Review, with none other than our dear friend Bryan Caudle on drums. So I got a chance to chat with him for a while. I had intended on introducing him to Craig and John, but Bry was busy with his sound check so....

Later, I had gone over Virginia's for dinner with Craig, John and his family, Pete the Didg guy, and we had a great time!. Virginia has a really great place, and the conversation over dinner was incredibly stimulating. Only to be beat by the awesome jam we had in the backyard afterwards. We played a couple of great drum and didg jams, and we even broke out the crystal bowl. Every time I play that bowl (or the one at Brian's house) it's just incredible... So at least I got one great drum jam in this weekend :)

Tonight Mike asked me if I'd help him and play some percussion on the Two Virgins CD. Tom Mooney was there with Mike and we put some stuff on tape for 3 songs, 2 of which I was on. This makes the second and third songs that I recorded with them, so I'd love to hear the finished product!

I got home and I was inspired to write a little, and do some blogging, but I have to work tomorrow at 7, so I gotta fly! Till next time :)

I went to see Bela Fleck (again) last night at Bushnell's Belding Theater with Janis and Dave. This time it was Bela acoustic and Edgar Meyer on upright Bass and Grand Piano. Totally different from a Flecktones show! These guys just blew me away! Bela's playing always does!

The tunes strayed from Flecktones material and played mainly classical pieces and some Jazz, along with Fleck-Meyer originals. Bela and Edgar had a great rapport with the audience, and showed a great sense of humor. The crowd was polite and listened, holding their applause to between numbers, and giving 2 standing ovations. (Not like the guy in the upper Mezzanine at the Tones' show at Jorgenson in April)

They announced that they were recording the shows, and were going to showcase some of their new tunes on an upcoming CD in April. I had noticed there were audience mics on either side of the stage when I made my way to my seat.

All in all, It was a great show, and a great night!

I've been busy again, so not much time to blog lately. I've got lots to update so here we go!!!!!

On Monday, I was invited to participate in a drum circle with Arthur Hull. Arthur is creditied with bringing the drum circle to the mainstream. Monday's event was an interview with Arthur conducted by Ron Knight of Sirius Satellite radio at their studios in midtown Manhattan. Talk about excitement! John and Craig got together a bunch of us to represent the Central Connecticut Contingent (or CCC) The CCC included me, John, Craig, Pat from Blessed Beat, "Pete the didg guy" and Virginia. Many of the drummers there have been playing A LOT longer than I have, and it was quite an honor to be invited to join them!

So, we packed up our drums and headed down to the city for the day. I had figured that we'd get some strange looks walking down the street in Manhattan carrying drums, but I forgot something- this is freaking New York! After parking and checking into the building (security is still a bit tight after 9/11- they even ran the drums through an XRAY machine!) we were on our way up to the 36th floor to the Sirius studios.

Man, what a facility! I've been involved in broadcasting and worked in the business, but I've never seen anything quite like this (well, ESPN a few times, but....)! Just a really awesome big-time studio and master control facility. But I digress, I think I was really there for the drumming! A bunch of us were milling about with drums, so I figured we were all there for this event. All in all there were about 30 of us.

So we get set up in the studio, and Arthur comes in, fresh from a trip to the Sam Ash store down the street with some new percussion toys! Arthur seems to be a rather unassuming guy at first sight, but I figured it was him by all the hugs and greetings everyone was giving him. But once we got in the circle and he started giving instructions, he was amazing. I just can't figure out how they can put so much energy into one person! He was jumping around in the middle "like an elf" (someone elses's description).

The format of the afternoon was the taping of an interview with Arthur, with four segments of drumming throughout the program. Arthur spent some time discussing the drum circle movement, his friendship with the late Babatunde Olatunji and his involvement with Mickey Hart (yes, the Mickey Hart). The interview was interesting, but I was really there for thr drumming. I mean, "It's all about the drums!"

We got some great jams during the time we were there, I think it was one of the best circles that I have ever participated in. I totally get off when the energy connects, and you're surrounded by such great drummers! I was still buzzing from it the next morning!

Delilah and Sarah at Drums around the World
(Photo by Steve and Darlene)

Oh, I went to Old Glory yesterday and bought a new baseball hat to replace the WWUH one that I lost recently. For some reason I can't seem to be able to keep the damn things! Anyways, I picked up a Sublime (the band) hat, and Janis and Sue pointed out today that the hat had a picture of a bong on the back of it! I hadn't even realized it when I bought it :)

"What are you...a pothead fokker??"

I went to a great drum circle last night with the gang in Naugatuck. The monthly circles as of late have been more partying and less drumming. Well, we all got back our focus on drumming, and we really had a great jam last night. I met some new people, and got to hang with old friends, and we had a great time.

There's nothing like the feeling when the drumming just comes together and the rhythym just connects. It's kinda like magic or something. It's really a spontaneous thing!

Today I went to the fair with Janis and her friend Sue (who Janis is trying to set me up with). We had a great time, it was kinda casual, and I was just able to be myself. Sue and I talked on the phone for like 3 hours yesterday, we seem to have alot in common. I'm gonna have to wait and see how this goes....I'm sure I'll find out in a couple of days.

I did a little shopping at the fair, I bought a great Sun and Moon mirror, and got a Dreamcatcher (I've been looking for one for a while). I've still got to find a Green Man for the apartment though, I'll have to check for one when I go to the Renaissance Faire. Hopefully I'll get to one of those before they close up for the season.

I happened to be listening to a bit of Howard Stern yesterday, and he mentioned that he listens to WEHM- a freaking great station on Long Island. You'll see that it's listed as one of my favorite stations. And they don't even carry Stern!

Holiday Week is over :(

Well, it's been back to work for the last couple of days, so my blogs have more infrequent. I had a great ending to my week of vacation. Monday, Mike's band, alternately known as CU Next Tuesday or The Gatekeepers, were to be playing at the New Haven Road Race. Mike asked if I wanted to go along, so I said yes, though it meant getting up at 6 freaking 30 AM, but I pulled it off. I had to get into the work schedule again anyways....

So, I meet Mike (gtr), Bryan (the drummer) and Colin (on Bass) in Middletown and we carpool down in 2 vehicles (we got the drum set, bass amp, guitar amp and instruments with us). About halfway down to New Haven, it starts raining. So, now Bryan pipes up from his half-asleep grumpiness to state "I ain't playin in the fucking rain".

So we get down to Long Wharf to meet JD (Lead vox and gtr) and Matt (gtr) and it's still raining. It's not looking so well, as none of us have any tarps or anything we could make a shelter out of. We're hoping that the location we're going to be playing at has at least some kind of overhang or something to protect us from the rain- it dosen't.

So the band decided that they weren't going to risk electrocution and play electrified instruments in the rain. We all stood around and watched the race go by, occasionally cherring on the racers. Well- the cute ones- hell, we're a bunch of guys, damnit! Man, it was freaking hysterical. I had brought along my camera to get some pics of the historic gig that ended up being "The Gig that Wasn't". Maybe some of the pics will show up on their web site.

Well, after the race, we were all getting pretty hungry, so we headed to Westville and hit up the diner for breakfast. It was pretty funny how we immediately found the "Breakfast Cocktails" section of the menu. I think we all had one, except for Colin. I got some great pictures of the band under the neon lights of the diner. I wish I had a digital camera to post them right now, but we will have to wait till the film comes back.

After breakfast, JD called The Gatekeeper and asked if they could play a set there for a couple of hours. Funny, the Information Operator tells JD to "say hi to Peter for me" (the Gate's owner) when he called to ask for the number!!!! Most of the guys were itching to at least play something that day. So, we trucked back up to Middletown, and set up shop at The Gatekeeper till like 2:30. They were smokin' by the time they called it quits, and I got some good pics of the band playing. I guess I became the band's unofficial photographer that day.

After we loaded up from the Gatekeeper, Mike, Bryan and I went to Vecchitto's Lemon Ice on DeKoven Drive for a treat. I had been working and living in the Middletown area for many years, and I only found out about that place last Summer. Thanks to Mike and Spot Spot!

And that's how I spent my holiday, I hope yours was as fun as mine was!

A while ago, Tom asked me if I knew anything that I could do to help him and his situation. His condo had been broken into, presumably by an upsatirs neighbor, a couple of times this spring. He'd also been having trouble with that particualr neighbor (noise complaints, littering etc..) in the past. He had asked me about a spiritual cleansing of his living space. He wanted to disperse the negative energy that had accumulated there.

Now, I did some research online, and came up with several alternatives for this, most drown from Native American rituals. Tom wasn't too keen about me doing a Wiccan ritual at his place, so we decided on just smudging and chanting a bit. We will see if it worked for him, I got a real positive feeling from it last night.

I think this may be the latest that I've ever blogged!

Tonight, I finally did it.....I actually got a hold of a turntable! (Thanks Tom!). I got home and immediately set it up, I mean my records had been moved from storage way back in like June or July, and all I've been able to do until tonight was look at the artwork.

It was like a transport back into time, just the sound of the old record crackle, and the needle drop were just awesome. And some of the music that I havent been able to listen to, or haven't heard for years. It's been since 1999 that my record collection was available in one place, with something to listen to it on.

I started pulling out vinyl that I hadn't heard in a while, and got on the phone with Mike, one of the people I know in Middletown with an enormously huge vinyl collection. I convinced him to come on over for a vintage vinyl listening experince :) Mind you, this was almost 11:30 PM! I'm glad that my neighbors weren't home!

Now, for the real kicker....I pulled out a vinyl copy of "Dark Side of the Moon", I've always had the CD version, I acquired an old vinyl copy a couple of years ago, and have not played it until tonight. This definately takes me back to around 1976 or so.....the day that I discovered stereophonic sound....

"Now, Let's go back in time a little....."

I was about 9 or so, and my neighbor Eric from across the street comes over- "Paul, you've got to hear this...." So Eric and I go into his house and sneak into his brother's room (strictly off limits, I tell you) and he pulls out this record. The cover is all black, except for this prism and rainbow on the front gatefold.

Now, until this time, about all I've been subjected to is the AM Radio of the day (remember top 40 radio?), and have never even heard of this group that I found out was called Pink Floyd. So he puts the record on side 2, turns up the amp a little and puts the needle down at the beginning. As the stereophonic cash registers start up, I'm just sitting there in complete astonishment.

Eric's pointing at the speakers as the sound alternates from one to the other. "You hear that?" I heard it all right, music was never the same after that day for me.

---

On the turntable today:
King Crimson- The Young Person's guide to King Crimson
Elton John- Captian Fantastic
801- Listen Now
Joe Jackson- Night and Day
David Bowie- Station to Station
Pink Floyd- Dark side of the Moon

Just a reminder, George W!

That's me holding the drum, at the Peace March in NYC on Feb. 15!

It's a beautiful day, and yet, here I sit....in front of the freaking computer. I gotta get myself outside.....I think I'll visit a couple of my favorite Middletown places today, and swing by Klekolo World Coffee and Knight People...I try to support the local businesses as much as possible. I went to Mamoun's last night for dinner too...man, I love that place. I think I gotta put a "Local Spots" links list on the side of the page..Good idea!

Well, it's off to enjoy the day....have a great one, won't ya!

Be Well,
-P

I've had the opportunity to spend a little more time than usual with Deiliah this week, as I'm on vacation. This is Del's last week of summer before she goes to Kindergarten. Yes, that's right.....Kindergarten..the first step of my little angel growing up! Anyways, she starts school on Thursday, and I'm spending the first couple of days of the week with her.


Sunday, we went to Drums Around the World in Norwalk. Drums is a yearly worldwide drumming event. This year we drummed together in 20something states and many countries worldwide. Delilah had a great time, as did I. She and Sarah had their picture taken for the paper, I don't know which paper, or if the picture that was taken even ran. The photographer was going to send me a copy of the picture, when I get it, I'll post it. Darcy also said she had some pics of Delilah that she'll email me, as well as Steve (Storm) and Darlene from Blessed Beat.

Yesterday, I introduced Delilah to a new friend, Christina, who is a daughter of one of my friends. We went to the beach at Branford Point along with several other Moms and daughters (funny, I was the ONLY guy there!) After the beach, we had a cookout and the kids played some more. Delilah had a great time.....

I'm still feeling in a sort of funk. I had to cancel my camping trip for next week. Found out that the week with Delilah was gonna be short, cause her first day of kindergarten is Thursday, so we would have had to cut the trip by Wed at the latest.

So, at least I have the day off to see her on her first day of school! I'll snap a couple of pics and post em :) But the rest of the week is me, just doing me stuff. Maybe it will get me out of this mood I've been in. Or give me an opportunity to drink more!!! HaHa

Anyways, I'm sure it will improve. I just gotta give it time :)

UGGH

Uggh and double uggh! That's how I feel tonight. Allright, aren't I allowed to feel shitty every now and then???? Now go out there and find Mars, damnit!

It sucked going back to work today. Really. I had taken Friday off because Kim was going to be coming down Thursday night, but she didnt come down till Friday because the power surges of Thursday afternoon took the radio station out, and I ended up being there for most of the evening.

Friday afternoon and Saturday Kim and I spent some time just doing some tag sailing and getting lunch at a little place down in Higganum before going and checking out the boats at the marina on the River. I was hoping that she'd go to the birthday bash with me, but she decided to go home and I went over to Naugatuck myself later that evening.

I tell you, I've got some CRAZY friends (yes, you know who you are...no, NOT you!!). Saturday night was insane at some parts, and I've been told that Saturday was pretty subdued. But I had a great time, I got to spend the evening among friends, and it just rocked!

Michelle and Roger gave me the most absolutely coolest gift, thanks guys!. To tell you the truth it caught me totally off guard! You guys rock!!! Thanks for making my birthday extra special this year!

Sunday I spent the day with my bud Mike, and we visited a musician friend of his, and I got to plunk on a Bass for a while. Cool! Now I really want to learn to play that instrument! After that we took a trip down to the shore and went to the Clam Castle (yes, that's the name of the place) on Rt. 1.

I had a great day, but later that night, I was feeling a little down, and I had a hell of a time getting to sleep last night. Well, I've gotta finish watching American Chopper (yes, I do watch that show) and finish up the day.

-P

P.S. Whatever you do....DON'T lock the bathroom door!!! :)

Paul's Post-Birthday Rant

Seems that this year's birthday was even more downplayed than ever! Even my own parent's forgot my birthday! Oh well, I've been saying that I didn't want to make a big deal about it, though I did make sure that I was included in the monthly birthday bash that's being thrown next weekend :) Now that should be FUN!

For those of you who did remember my birthday, a big THANKS go out to you! You know who you are (as Peter Gabriel Plays Live goes on in the background!)


Well, I've been feeling rather happy lately, just trying to keep things in my life chugging along! I've been just content spending time doing the things that I want to do, and not worrying about whether there's someone else in my life right now. Everyone keeps saying that I should be happy with myself, and then the rest of the things in my life will come together as well.

I kind of feel like I did when I first started this blog, I'm just concentrating on being morew in touch with me, and my surroundings and the greater forces that surround us. There, is that deep enough for us all?? LOL.

Another year goes by, and I am taking a little time to think about the things I've learned this year......WOW! what a trip this has been. It took me 36 freaking years to come to some of the simplest conclusions about how I live my life, and that I kept making the same mistakes again and again. But I really do feel enlightened, and that's all good!

So, here's to another year!
-be well,
Paul

Seems that Blogspot was having some difficulties, so this page was off for a while. I was able to get it to come up today. Hopefully it's all fixed.

Anyways, Sunday night after I dropped off Delilah, I got home (I had to skip the full moon circle cause I would have made it to Naugatuck waaaay too late) and noticed the full moon rising over the pond. So, I sat on Jen's (next door neighbor) picnic table and meditated. I got some of the most amazing energy! It felt so powerful that my hand just started shaking!. Pretty intense! Maybe I connected with everyone else out there in the cosmos who was in the same mindset I was!

I took Delilah to Roger's drum circle Saturday night, and there were some moments where she's totally getting it!!! She was playing around on the claves and was right there! Way to go kiddo! I think I have a future drummer girl! :)

I just gotta love West Peak. I spent some time up there tonight meditating while watching the sunset. I just feel so peaceful right now. It's all good :) I'm not gonna let anyone or anything "Wreck my Bliss"

oh, and one more thing,

Embrace your Inner Freak

Back Online!
Thanks to my good friend Bill, who donated an old external US Robotics 28.8 modem (which connected today at 31.2), I am back online from the house. Now, I just gotta remember to disconnect the phone line as well as the power to the computer when thunderstorms approach.

Where the Hell Have I been?

I havent had the time recently to Blog from work, and the thunderstorm the other night took out my modem on the PC at home. Damnit, another piece of hardware bites the dust!

Anyways, things have been busy, but in all reality not much happening around here. Just spending time with Delilah and work, and we're trying to get stuff together for Midsummer. We've decided to reprise the Ritual from Rites at Midsummer, so we get to do it all over again. I was talking to Roger about it and I hope the we (the drummers) can get together and center ourselves before we do it this time. I found my head wasnt in the right space until almost the end of it last time. I thoink I would have personally found it more amazing if I had my head in the right space when we started.

Anyway, this weekend had it's high spots and it's low spots. Friday night, Me, Craig, John, Adam, and Seth (and others) did a sunset drum circle up on Meriden Mountain. One of the best circles that I have participated in, and the weather was awesome (for a change). Got a chance to play and to just sit there and think for a while. That was the high point of my weekend. The rest was rather dull and uneventful.

Wow! That's all I have to say. I had one really powerful weekend! My Rites experince has to rank up with one of the best weekends of my life. Even with camping out in the rain, everything went great. What we had been rehersing so much for all came together terriffic!

We never really rehersed an ending for the drummers, so most of what happened was totally spontaneous. We were leading into a tribal dance and we just picked up tempo at the end and just fucking let loose with a tempest! It all just locked together and we went wild! Dancers started entering the circle and there must have been about 100 people just getting off on the rythym that me, Roger, Daniel, and Lisa were groovin on. We were just ripping it up and creating so much energy! So much energy that Lisa lets out one of the loudest tribal screams that I have ever heard! Fucking intense! It was so great to have been a part of this!

It was a total weekend of getting in touch with everything for me. I needed to spend a little time getting back to myself, and this gave me the perfect opportunity to do that. And get in touch with Mother Earth as well. Throw in some of the best drum circles that I've ever seen, and good friends, it was a great time! Also, in a way this was kind of a sort of closure for me. Everything that happened the last 2 months since we started rehersing is now complete. What a fucking ride!

Lunar Eclipse

"...I'll see you on the dark side of the moon!"

I had a pretty good day at the daily grind today, despite the crappy weather. I was assigned to work at a site in Middletown today, so I was actually able to get a little extra sleep today :) Good way to start off a Wednesday.

I went to an Open Mic at Rookies in Cromwell last night. It was a good scene. I had discovered it with Bernie a couple of weeks ago, and found out they do it every Tuesday night. There was a guy there doing Dave Matthews covers two weeks ago that was really good, and I saw him again in the crowd. I got to talking with him, and seems that he's a pretty ok guy. We're gonna try to get a little duo thing going with me playing percussion. Gonna see how that goes, or even get Craig involved with it.

I just love open mics. Good way to see aspiring talent! Or just live music in general for that matter. That had a little jam going- Sweet Home Alabama>La Bamba. Rather interesting segue :)

You know, I consider myself a goodhearted, caring person. But over the years I have been called many an insult from different people, ranging from the ususal "Asshole", "Jerk" and so on. Some even have ventured to call me "verbally abusive" to "pathetic loser". But the one that has forever stuck in my mind is from my sister Denise, circa 1976; "You dopey, dummy, dummy, dummy". Damn, if she sometimes isnt right to this day! ;)

In the Cd Player Today:
Michael Cleary- "Call it What You Like"
Dr. Didg- "Out of the Woods"
Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young- "So Far"
Bob Marley- "Legend"

Craig sent me an article from the New York Times yesterday (May 18, 2003) about the dangers of damaging friendships by posting information about them in your blog. Seems that they should have interviewed me on that subject, as I have first hand experience! Some have been damaged, some have been utterly dsestroyed!

I made a trip up to Northampton on Friday. What a cool little town it is! I have an affinity for my three little towns that are along I-91; New Haven, Middletown, and Northampton. I guess it must be the whole college town thing, with New Haven having Yale, Middletown with Wesleyan and Northampton having Smith (among others). All three towns are pretty artsy, have great shops and a great environment.

Middletown still has the widest Main Street in America though! And I'm not saying that just because I live here.

When I was up there, I visited one of my all time favorite stores, Ten Thousand Villages. I bought me yet another precussion toy, this time a shaker made out of dried seeds. I needed a shaker to use at Rites, and I wanted to use something a little more "natural" sounding than the egg type shaker that I had been using. Check out their web site that's one funky little store, and they sell all kinds of neat stuff.

I can see by your eyes you must be lying
When you think I don't have a clue
Baby you're crazy
If you think that you can fool me
Because I've seen that movie too

The one where the players are acting surprised
Saying love's just a four letter word
Between forcing smiles, with the knives in their eyes
Well their actions become so absurd

So keep your auditions for somebody
Who hasn't got so much to lose
`Cause you can tell by the lines I'm reciting
That I've seen that movie too

It's a habit I have, I don't get pushed around
Stop twinkling your star like you do
I'm not the blue print for all of your B films
Because I've seen that movie too

"I've Seen that Movie Too" -Elton John

Man, I really cant wait for Rites of Spring next weekend! This is gonna be a blast. Got lots of preparing to do for it. Gotta finish rounding up the rest of the camping gear. And then work on the provisions. But I'm just thinking about how freaking great this is gonna be! Gonna be a great weekend for sure! Keeping my fingers crossed for good weather :)

I just witnessed an amazing total eclipse of the moon a while ago. It was just incredible. Drove over to Black Pond and just sat there and watched it for a while. The clouds statred really obscuring the view just before totality though. There wqas another great nature site as well. The whole time we were sitting there, this rather big swan was out on the pond doing a little late night fishing. It just was there, oblivious to the fact we were standing there. ("Does the Swan fish at night?" - Mike)

Got home and the moon was again visible from the driveway, looking across the small pond in my backyard. It was in totality still, and you could see the whole dimly lit face of the moon. You know, everytime I witness something like this, I realize just how great everything is. How the whole nature thing just captivates me! We're all tied together by the greatest forces!

In the CD player now-
Pink Floyd- Dark Side of the Moon (what else?)

You know what pisses me off more than anything? People who don't tell the truth. I HATE being lied to, especially when the person doing the lying feigns sincerity! That hurts more than if I was just told the truth in the first place.

So to you, anyone who has ever lied to me (well, the IMPORTANT lies, not the little white variety), I send a big FUCK YOU! You know who you are. If you just told the truth in the first place, it would have hurt much less. Thanks for having consideration of another persons' feelings.

In the CD player recently-
The Eagles Greatest Hits 71-75
Best of Vanilla Fudge
Metallica- Metallica
Dead Can Dance- Toward the Within
Sting- ...nothing like the sun

The drum circle Friday was good, I ended up running into an old friend who I havent seen in a few years. He was friends of the family before my marriage fell apart. So it was cool catching up asking about the kids and what not. Funny thing is I ran into him again today when I was at Wal-Mart. You don't see someone for three years, and then you run into them twice in one weekend! Coincidence? Wakes you wonder!

Kim came down and visited me yesterday. We had a good afternoon together. She and I have so much fun together! I actually got her to play a drum! We did a little mini-jam last night (all apologies to the neighbors). She's one of the people who I can really be myself around. I just love it :)

Today, I just had a me day. Did for things for me. Except for remembering Mother's Day, I had to take some time to remember her! Gonna go and relax and finish watching the Simpsons now :)

It's Friday :) A beautiful day out here! Too bad that I'm stuck in the office! I'm looking forward to getting out this weekend! Going to drum circle tonight (and that's usually fun). Tomorrow my friend is coming down to visit for a couple of days, and I'm really looking forward to seeing her again.

I had a rather uneventful night last night, but I can't say that it was a bad evening. I was able to catch up on the dreaded housework and get some things done before I was able to wind down. I also was able to pick up another roll of film that I developed. I'll put up a picture of Delilah when I get a chance!

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery.
And today? Today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present".
---Babatunde Olatunji

A couple of weeks ago, I found an old friend who I haven't spoken with in a couple of years online. We started talking about stuff, and I think we realized just how much we miss each other. She was (and is) the kind of friend that I could truly be myself around. I was able to let out my repressed crazy self! No, really, I am a pretty fun guy :)

Anyways, she moved to Flordia and the other night we exchanged phone numbers and ended up talking for almost 2 hours, (ouch, that phone bills gonna HURT!) until the wee hours of the morning. It was like the two years hadn't even passed, though much had happened in both of our lives. We just had a really great conversation. Sometimes life is good :)

I'm starting to see who my friends really are........

I saw Delilah play soccer today for the first time. It's funny, they're just starting to get a feel for the game, so it's kind of entertaining to watch them play. Some of them at age 5 are really good, other's cant seem to keep their mind on the game and kinda wander. Delilah did rather well, I might say- for just starting out!

I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm happy- but I keep having this underlying feeling of dispair. I think I've been fighting it all along, it just seems to be coming out more lately. I'm trying to make myself happy- that's the only way that I will be truly happy. The best piece of advice I had been given about that was "surround yourself with things and people that make you happy". So I try. Boredom is the enemy though!!

I've started to really dislike love songs. Who the hell are they written for anyway?

It's Friday. The weather is great. I love this time of year almost as much as I love fall. It's especially nice since we had such a long winter, and rather cool early spring. I just hope we get a couple of days like this for Rites. Camping in the rain really sucks, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will be nice out that weekend.

Weird, I don't ususally put much stock in horroscopes, but the one I posted yesterday seems rather fitting. I think what I was looking for in life might have damn well been a pipe dream. Time to realize that the future is in my hands, and that I have to take the bull by the horns and find my "new vision".

My horroscope from last week's advocate:
"Your big assignment for the rest of 2003,
Completely demolish your old ideas about paradise so
that you can conjure a fresh new vision of it"

Went up West Peak, no sun showing :( But I did get a chance to see some of the daffodils that I didn't even get a chance to see last weekend. Too busy with all the running around for the drum circle. The city didnt even have anything in place for it, and I ended up rigging the sound system up for John.

Looking forward to seeing my daughter tonight. I hope that we have a good time together while Jill is away. This will be Deililah's longest stay with with me since Jill was in the hospital a couple of years ago. I hope that Delilah dosent get a case of the "I want my mommy" thing.

In the CD Player Today:
David Bowie- Live at the Beeb (disc 2)
Stain'd- Break the Cycle

It's May! It's May! :) Feeling pretty damn good this morning, despite the rainy weather. Work got off to a slow start this morning, but I have to run up to West Peak in a little bit. If only it were sunny, I'd love to spend a few moments up on the rocks by the castle. Remembering that warm September day last year when I sprawled out on the rocks before me Craig, and Neil had our little drum jam up on the cliff....

Just over an hour left to April. See Ya!

April was just a hiccup on my journey.....May starts tomorrow and I will take what I have learned during the month of April and hopefully apply it to the future. I have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason, even things you might think are random. Take something that you think is bad, and take the good out of it. If you have learned life's little lesson, then it is a positive experience for you.....

It was an absolutley spectacular morning this morning, although I ran out of coffee and didn't get a drop until almost 10. And I needed it. I partied just a little much last night. The weather is fine, I feel great! Dropped Bob Marley into the CD player on the way in this morning! :) Good way to start a day, even without caffeine.

Delilah will be spending a few extra days with me shortly, Jill's grandmother is very sick in Californina and Jill's going out there to see her. So, I'll be picking up Delilah on Thursday after school and she will be staying with me until Tuesday or Wednesday. That would be super cool, though I'll have to make arrangements to come into work a little late those mornings that I'll be dropping Del off at school.

In the CD Player Today: Bob Marley- Legend (again?)

"Let us never speak of this again"

-ok done.

"Friends?" I asked. "Friends. Let us never speak of this again". "It's all good" Ok let's go on now. (And, yes, this will be the last time I mention this here).

Oh, almost forgot:
In the CD Player Today-
The Beatles- Abbey Road
Joe Jackson Band- Live

"I'm sorry" There said it here. Falling on deaf ears? Probably.

One hell of a rough day at work today. Looking forward to it being over. Running to Delilah's soccer game and then quickly home to change and pick up drums for the rehersal tonight. It's gonna get interesting then.

I just hope that I can get to a point where it will be the same as it was back in March before this whole thing happened.

I was happy then, wasn't I? So I will leave this month of April, and start off May happy. A new start. So, I will see her every now and then. I just hope that it will not get ugly between us. I was just starting to get comfortable with the group of friends we hang with. I hope that dosent change.

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling
I could love someone
I could trust someone
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again darlin'
I said I'd never let nobody in

...found this (excerpted) in someone's blog today. Damn, ain't it the truth.

I guess my comments of late last week have offended more than one person. I can understand why. I'm trying to change my life for the better. I've been looking back at the past and seeing what mistakes I've made in life, and trying to learn from them. I have had alot of emotions to deal with, and past memories that I have to deal with.

Alot has been going through my mind, and the words that I typed here didn't fully express my feelings. I openly apologize if I offended anyone who I still care about (yes, even as friends). Some of you have shown your true friendship through all of this, and I thank you for that. As for the others, well, I wish you'd understand what's been happening, and at least give me a chance to talk with you about it. I think you know who you are.

In the CD Player today: Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here

Risks

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk being
sentimental. To reach out for another is to risk involvement. To expose your
feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your
dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being
loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair. To
try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing,does
nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live, love. Changed by their
attitudes, they are like a slave,and they have forfeited their freedom. Only
the person who risks is free.

I found this on someone's Match.Com profile today. I have boldfaced a couple of phrases that I feel really mean something to me. I have risked, and I have lost.

Why is it that whenever I type, or email something that it goes without saying that it gets misinterpreted? Damn it, it happens every time. You made me really look into myself, and what I had done in the past, and work to become a better person. Thank you.


Now dont be angry. We have drums to play :)

Now that I've got all that straightened out, I have to concentrate on living and being happy. Considering the circumstances, I will have to see her every now and then, we left it as friends for that reason. I haven't heard from her in a few days, but I guess thats better that way (it gave me time to sort it all out).

Now for living. Spring is here, this depressing weather should be leaving us soon. Looking forward to Rites of Spring and Midsummer. Camping. Drumming. Bonfires! Yee ha!

BLAH!

Blah Blah and more blah.
Ok. This week in a nut shell:
Women suck.

There, said it. Well, ok. So call me a little disgruntled on the whole "attempted dating" thing. My life feels like a David Letterman Top 10 list of failed dates and attempted relationships. I guess that I'm just getting tired of what seems like an eternal search to find someone to share my life with. Every time I think that I meet someone who I think might want to be with me, either I do something wrong, or I get one of the responses from the following list:
1) "Paul, You're a really nice guy, but......"
2) "This is really just going too fast...It's too soon for me"
3) "It's not you, it's me" (This week's winner!)
4) "I Like you, but not in that way"

In the CD Player Today:
Van Morrisson- Moondance (what an F-ing great CD!)

Yeasterday, and most of today, I was really feeling great. I went over Craig's for dinner last night, and on the way over there, I was so happy that I thought I was gonna burst out laughing. I really felt like I was gonna explode from happiness!

Despite the weather today, I was feeling great too. I caught up with Debbie for lunch today. She and I shared a few laughs. I was ok until I was almost home, and I had a sudden realization that I had a Friday night with NOTHING TO DO. The times with nothing to do and no one to spend them with are the worst. But I have to realize that I can make them better.

After kinda sitting on the couch watching a movie, (a really good one, I might add "How to Kill your Neighbors Dog"..it's not really about that....but anyway...) I realised that this was prime opportunity to take some "me time". I lit the candles and insense, and caught with some old friends on the phone...gonna do a little meditation in a few minutes. I'm getting back to where I was a couple of weeks ago.....it will be good.

In the CD Player Today:
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Michael Brook- Night Song
Tony Levin Band
Various Artists- Bliss Compilation
Various Artists- From Here to Tranquility

I'm having a good day today, despite the crappy weather. When will it feel like Spring again?? I feel some stress has been lifted, and I'm actually able to breathe and live again. Cool.

I'm picking up Delilah tonight, and she's staying overnight. That should really pick me up. It continually inspires me how amazing that your children can be. Keep it up kid, you're my little princess :)

Well, come to find out that she didn't have any feelings for me anyways. The whole "I need space" thing was just to hold me off. I got an email yesterday explaining it was all for the physical stuff. Well, at least now I know, and I can have closure. And I had some fun to boot. Movin' on......

Ok, I had a good night's sleep, and was actually feeling good this morning. Got out Dead Set and popped it in the CD player on the way to work. I was actually humming Franklin's Tower on the way in the door. Then the boss gets all over me the second I get in. Damn fine way to ruin my mood!

"What the hell do I have to do to actually be in a good mood?" Seems when I get in the right mindset, things stack up against me. Well, look at it this way, I could be a lot worse, right?

In the CD Player today:
Grateful Dead- Dead Set (again)

This is truly uplifting:

I'm having one of the shittiest, most gloomy days in recent months. All day, I feel this angst, and confusion inside of me. I just want to crawl into a cave and hide. It's a Monday, so I head over to Delilah's daycare to pick her up after work.

As I drive up, I notice Delilah playing in the playground and I walk up to the gate and she drops everything she's doing and runs over yelling "Daddy!" at the top of her lungs. I open up the gate and she gives me a big hug and kiss. I could swear I was just going to break out in tears right then.

When we got home, I made dinner and afterwards, we put in a Disney video and she snuggled up to me on the couch. "I love you Daddy" she said after kissing me on the cheek. This is the unconditional love that only your child can give you.

On the way back to her mom's house, I took her hand, and said "I love you more than anything". She took her other hand and placed it on her chest and said "I love you with everything in here." Right then I realized what really mattered in my life. Just when you think things are going awful, something wonderful happens to show you the light.

Be Well,
-Paul

Allright, so the fucking dream was just that. POOF! Damn, I always seem to sabotage my relationships in the same way. What the hell was I thinking anyway?

In the CD Player Today:
Dire Straits- Brothers in Arms
Marillion- Misplaced Childhood

WOW! Things are just groovy here! It's almost dreamlike. I still have to pinch myself to see if it's real..... We just seen to have so much in common, and it's very nice to meet someone that I get along so well with.

We're going to see Bela Fleck tonight at Jorgensen on the UConn campus. Bob at the radio station hooked me up with a pair of tickets! I cant wait, I've got Bela's double CD Live Art that I've been listening to this week. Gotta dig it, I've never seen Bela before, and Craig says that seeing his Bass player is well worth going all in itself.

Looking forward to this weekend. I usually would have Delilah this weekend, but Jill is taking her to see her relatives in New Jersey. I'll be going to a drum circle tomorrow night...those are usually a blast.

As I was saying, things in my life seem to have been falling in place big time! I'm just starting to get a sense of direction, and feel that I'm headed in the right direction. Funny how that I have been thinking that I just needed to concentrate on myself, and not actively look for female companionship.

Then out of the clear blue...WHAM. Who would have thunk it?? To be honest, this has totally blindsided me. As friends have always told me, it usually hits you when you least expect it. It's so cool though, I feel very happy today, I just hope this feeling lasts. I just want to bottle it and save it for a rainy day...

Yawn! Monday morning. Yuck.
It's a sleepy morning today, as I went to see Tony Levin Band last night at Toad's Place. Seeing a show at a place like Toads is always a treat, especially someone Like Tony. Tony has played in bands like King Crimson, and members of Yes, and Peter Gabriel for years. In fact most of the band that was with him (Jerry Marotta and Larry Fast) played on Peter's early albums and tours. The band also included Jesse Gress, who I have been told has played with Todd Rundgren for years (and really looks like him!)

The show was fantastic! They opened with the King Crimson's Sleepless, played a number of song's from Tony's last CD, and numerous covers. Including a version of "Tequila" that was fantastic! They also did a re-arrangement of John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance" into "Back in NYC" from Genesis. Tony explained that he, Jerry and Larry used to play that on Peter's 1977 tour. Closing my eyes, I could almost imagine that I was hearing Genesis do that tune back in 1974! I guess that's the closest I will get to being there! They did a 2 song encore of an instrumental Levin-penned tune and Crimson's "Elephant Talk". And a rockin' instrumental cover of a Led Zeppelin tune!

Opening was solo guitarist Kaki King, who played very reminiscent of Michael Hedges. She actually opened with cover of a Hedges tune. This girl, who is 23, is from New York, and was on fire. She has been playing with Blue Man Group as the bass player. Aparently she plays Chapman Stick like Tony does.

She has a pretty great sense of humor, and had a decent rapport with the audience between tunes. When one audience member asked her what her website was she replied with "I'm a great piece of ass.com!" And I'd like to venture that she is LOL!

I had a relatively uneventful day yesterday...well, if you consider grocery shopping eventful......pretty much stayed home all day. The weather took a turn for the worse, and started raining really hard. It was kind of a night to stay home anyways.

Went to a pretty good drum circle Friday night (and this time we didn't close the bar next door!!). I got asked to participate in another drumming event today with Roger, so I am heading over there this morning. But first I'm goning to enjoy a nice cup of coffee and finish listening to the Culture Cafe show on WWUH, another one of my favorite non-commercial radio stations.

I kind of have a connection to WWUH, since I used to do a show there. I really miss that. I really want to look into getting another show there, but starting all over as a 3-6 AM jock really isn't my thing. I was able to do that 9 years ago, but these old bones.....well you know..

Well, gotta make the coffee!!!!!

In the CD Player:
Enya- Watermark
Ginger Baker- Middle Passage
GIlberto Gil & Jorge Ben- Gil e Jorge

WOW! Had a neat experience today that was totally cool! I was sent to a tower site in Killingworth to do service on the transmitter there. Well, this site is a cable TV headend site, and I had to wait for the headend tech to show up and let me in (pain in the ass usually). It was beautiful out and for a while I sat in the Jeep and vegged out listening to WPKN.

Well the weather was absolutely fabulous out, so I decided to go sit on a large rock and soak up the sun's warmth and meditate for a while. This site is in the middle of the woods at the end of a dirt road, so it was nice. Well, I'm sitting there perfectly still for a few minutes, and closed my eyes.

I heard some rustling in the leaves, so I opened my eyes, and I see 5 deer just standing in the field about 20 yards from me. They had no idea I was there! After a few minutes, they moved to a small knoll and just stayed there. I watched them for about 15 minutes, and then they took off!

I just love it when things like that happen. It reminded me of a time (1993) when Harry and I went up in the trails behind Timberlain Golf Course hiking, and we sat up there and this deer came right up to us. It's like amazing when you get a glimpse of nature that closeup!

Picture I took that day with Harry. This was a mistake, but it came out neat! (Look for the faces in the trees, it's really neat!)

Another beautiful weather day here in central Connecticut! I was driving home from work, and I felt great. Then I got home and realized that I didnt have anyone to enjoy this evening with. Watching a sunset is far better when you have someone to share it with. Well I'm sure that someday it will hit me when I least expect it.

Been involved with quite a war vs anti-war dialogue with Harry via email. I always thought Harry would have been against the war thing, but he's taken the opposing view. At least with Harry, I can have an opposing viewpoint, and we still can have a dialogue about it. Good to know that we can agree to disagree, and still keep things civil. But, it's SO much easier to be on the same side as he is :)

I'm psyched....Craig is having another drum circle tomorrow night. Hopefully he gets a good turnout, but even if it's slim, it's sure to be a good time... What's a drum circle you ask? People gather and play drums together and create spontaneous rythyms. I get so pumped when people connect through rythym and are communicating through the music.

Go to Ctdrums.Com to find a drum circle near you (In Connecticut)

Still want to know more about drum circles- go to this page from Remo.

In the CD player today: Ralf Hildenbeutal- Homage a' Noir
Joe Jackson- Big World
The Beatles- 1

Man, I must be raising one heck of a kid :) I've got her interested in doing drum circles, and listening to all kinds of music from all around the world. Tonight, as we walked in the door, she told me she wanted to listen to Sirius Coyote, which is a Connecticut based group that play all sort of authentic music of Latin America. ("Now, I never studied Latin, so I don't understand them......"ahhhh! Don't we all remember Al Gore's infamous flub!) Anyways, we spent a while listening to them and dancing around the house to Levantate!

So, in respect to the good 'ol authentic food of Sirius Coyote, I make Spanish Rice...the closest thing I've got to "Corn, Beans and Chili Peppers!"


Giovanni, Kathleen, and Dennis...aka Sirius Coyote!
In the CD Player Today: Sirius Coyote- In the Land of the Nahuatl

Wow, Imagine that! Almost a whole day and NO BLOG! But you know I couldn't resist, so here goes....

I've been thinking about everything, and you know, I actually think I like where I am in my life. I'd been saying that a while ago, but I don't think I really meant it till now. I just seem happier all the sudden. All the pieces of my life are finally coming together. I've got good friends, a good place to live, and a good feeling like I can get everything back into place.

Tomorrow's Wednesday, and that's the day that Delilah stays overnight :) I just love when she spends time with me. I just hope that I can hold off this cold that I started to come down with. It's so tough to take care of a kid when you're not feeling well, either physically or mentally. I've got the mental thing taken care of, but I hope I can stave off this cold....

In the CD Player Today: Dead Can Dance- Spiritchaser