What I learned this past year

My year has been one of the most topsy turvy ones that I can remember....but, with all my downfalls this year I have learned a few things...This is a growing list, so I'll be adding to it as I think of more things...

Live each day to it's fullest-- "Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why we call it the present"

Don't make promises that you're not prepared to keep.

The words "I love you" mean different things to different people--there are different levels of love.

Be honest with yourself. It all starts there. If you cant be honest with yourself, you won't be with anyone else.

Never put yourself second. Don't make someone your priority when they make you their option.

While it's great to follow your heart, proceed with caution.

You can love someone too much.

Spitituality comes from within you--not through someone else. But it's okay to have someone point you in the right direction.

The word "forever" means a really long time, not a month.....

Never date someone who's just getting divorced/getting over someone. They'll only hurt you in the end.

Everything happens for a reason- when bad things seem to happen, there's always a positive outcome / something to be learned in the end.

Always take risks, you never know if you'll be passing up something great.

Nice guys DO finish last- why?? Because people will walk all over you to get what they want.

I'm still trying to organize all the stuff in the computer/office area of the new apartment. When filing stuff today I came across a stack of old Birthday/Anniversary/whatever cards from when I was married. Which after reading them made me sad.

This brought up two things...first, I read the words " I love you forever" which really makes me question the use of the words "forever." I was reminded of this again oh so recently. Is it ok to say it when you mean it at the time?? I mean forever is a really long time!!!

Second, why did I save all of these cards?? To remind me of love lost?? To brighten up my days? (I think not). Why do we hold on to memories of the past?? It's almost like it was another life to me at this point. One that I thought I had put behind me.

There comes a time when you have to simply say goodbye. The chapter of my life that has been the emotional rollercoaster of the last 6 months has to come to a close. Will it hurt?? Sure as hell! But, I have to do this for my own sanity, something which I have abandoned as of lately.

In order for me to fully get on with my life, I simply have to "let go." Sorry if this causes anyone pain, but as I mentioned above, I have to do it for my own good.

In keeping with my penchant for song lyrics, I leave you with this:

And now that it's all over
The birds can nest again
I'll only snow when the sun comes out
I'll shine only when it starts to rain
For I am a mirrorI can reflect the moon
I will write songs for you
I'll be your silver spoon
I'm sorry I took your time
I am the poem that doesn't rhyme
Just turn back a page
I'll waste away,
I'll waste away

Elton John "Goodbye"

People Come into your life for a reason....

Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles, you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people that you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you are and who you will become. Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you but because in a way they are teaching you to love & open your heart & eyes to things. Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too. Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.....

To lay me down once more, to lay me down
With my head in sparkling clover
Let the world go by, all lost in dreaming
To lay me down one last time, to lay me down
To be with you once more, to be with you
With our bodies close together
Let the world go by, like clouds a-streaming
To lay me down one last time, to lay me down
To lay me down, to lay me down
To lay me down one last time, to lay me down
To lie with you once more, to lie with you
With our dreams entwined together
To wake beside you, my love still sleeping
To tell sweet lies one last time and say goodnight
To lay me down, to lay me down
To lay me down one last time, to lay me down

-Jerry Garcia

I have come to realize just how important my friends are and that they really are there for me-- in good times as well as bad. Sometimes a real friend will tell you how it is, even when you dont want to know the truth. Other times a real friend is there just to make you laugh and have a great time, and just enjoy life.

I really like the people who I've decided to surround myself with. They're the best bunch of people in the wold, and they know who they are...

:) Paul

I've had a very rough rollercoater ride in my life the last 2 months....Last night was my therapy..the monthly drum circle. I really love the group of people that get together every month to jam, and connect on levels that are just amazing.

I've been on a quest for heightened spirituality for a while. I recently was hanging on to one person who had opened my eyes and "brought the light back to my life." What I realized last night, aside from the fact that drumming is wickedly therapeutic, is that I had been surrounded by awesome spirits who I connect with for quite a while.

I feel like there has been so much tension and angst lifted from me last night. I told Jen that I was going to drum so hard that my hands hurt, and I did. And the Reiki that I received last night didn't hurt either, I suppose.....

I got this from Lisa's myspace the other day...

I've finally created a myspace page....check it out:

http://www.myspace.com/dreambythestars

For all you Starbucks fans (or not), this is funny. Not kid safe, though....

You can tell alot about a person by....what's on their fridge???

It's March. It's Snowing. While this hasnt been an unusually snowy winter, I just cant wait for spring. And this just in: We've Got Thundersnow Yes, it's snowing and thundering loudly....

here's something really really scary for you...

I've been messing around with music on the computer again. I finally replaced the old soundcard that was giving me problems and now have a somewhat decent sounding system. The list of songs available for instant listening on my computer is staggering!!To view the list as of today, click here

I stumbled upon this notice while browsing the web today:

We apologize the site you are attempting to visit
has been blocked due to its content being inconsistent
with the religious, cultural, political and moral values
of the United Arab Emirates.

I say: "What the fuck is that all about??"

I've been trying to read a bit more lately, Mike and I went to the bookstore last week and I picked up Electric Don Quixote: The Definitive Story of Frank Zappa . So far, it's been a really good read. I always admired Zappa both as a musician and as a person.

Last night, Tom called and asked if I'd like to go to the bookstore with him, so I picked up another book, this time not a music-related book. Rogue River Journal is the story of John Daniel, who in November of 2000, climbed into his pickup, drove to a cabin in the Red River Gorge, and quit civilization. it sounded like a pretty good boo, so I bought it and am gonna give it a try...

There's a blog that I have been reading quite a bit lately, The Daily Nightly. This blog was created by Brian Williams of the NBC Nightly News, and provides a great view of what the people who tell you the news are talking about...